I received this postcard on January 15 from the veterinarian for my dog, Buddy. The vet sends these courtesy postcards if I have missed my dog’s immunization dates, reminding me to keep my dog vaccinated.
Although one would like to believe that the neighborhood vet who cares about each four-legged and two-legged friend individually is a from a mom-and-pop shop, it is nonetheless a business complete with business processes, a database, and a lettershop. The reminder postcard I received for my vet in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, had been mailed from such a lettershop in Oshkosh, Wisconsin.
The postcard reminded me about treatments due in December 2016 -- 11 months from now. This merits a Fail for List. As I understand from a phone call to the WrightVeterinary Medical Center, one of the employees had incorrectly entered the month and year of due vaccinations for the mailing list. This typo had resulted in many reminder postcards being sent in error -- and many pet owners calling in to verify they had received the postcard in error.
The message is attempting to be a bit cute -- referring to the pet and suggesting the owner bring the pet in for immunizations, but the message was a bit confusing. However, I wouldn’t call the message a Fail for Creative. Still, there are some typos as well as multiple instances of confusion between singular and plural nouns, so the copy could be cleaned up a bit. Here is an attempt to streamline the content while maintaining the same message.
We missed seeing
your pet for at least one important vaccination.
pet’s immunity to diseases is a vital part of its total health care program.
So, we wanted to remind you of the vaccinations and dates due for each pet.
They are listed on this postcard.
Please be sure to
order preventative medications and make an appointment for preventative
treatments now, because further delay could be harmful to your pet. Call us at
Wright Veterinary Medical Center today at 610-865-2611, because a healthy pet
is a happy pet.
I would also suggest writing a cleaner call to action. Just ask the pet owner to call in to discuss how to ensure the pet can get its required vaccinations. By having one call to action and maintaining a consultative tone, a pet owner can call with adequate peace of mind.
If I am going to write about my dog, I can’t help myself but include a picture of Buddy. He is such a cute, friendly dog!
- What goes out on your mailing list is based on what you put in as your list criteria, so be sure your mailing list accurately reflects your intentions.
- Keep your call to action clean and simple whenever possible.