Cook Unity: Homer Simpson and the Offer That Never Expires

This self-mailer I received in early August from CookUnity reminds me of Season 12, Episode 17 of The Simpsons. Homer finds an old box of animal crackers that includes a “golden animal” prize: a trip to Africa. He tries to claim the prize -- even though the contest had been over for more than 30 years. Hilarity ensues.

Back in 2001, when I first watched the episode, I wondered: If the company had simply added a promotion expiration date to the box of animal crackers, would that have prevented all that hilarity? Can anything stop Homer Simpson?

The same question came to me this month when I received the CookUnity self-mailer. Here, CookUnity is offering me 50% off my first week + 20% off the next three weeks. However, nowhere in the mailer is a mention of a respond-by date. That’s a classic Fail for Content and a potentially Simpsons-esque Fail for Offer. 

Self-mailer Address panel and front cover touting promotional offer.
Turn up the 50HEAT!

Why a Fail for Content? Because every direct marketing communication should have a respond-by date. Without one, the customer has no immediate motivation to act, and they might put it aside and forget about it completely. If you don’t know your offer end date, consider messaging using a soft approach: “Please reply by xx/xx/xx” or “Please reply in the next 30 days to claim your savings.”

Self-mailer interior

Why a Fail for Offer? Because, if you don’t communicate an offer end date, someone might try to claim it later. If you’re in a situation where don’t have a firm “offer end” date, at least consider a disclosure reading, “Offer subject to change without notice.” Otherwise, Homer Simpson might come knocking at your door when you least expect it. Doh!

Lesson: Your call to action should include a reason to take action now with an offer expiration date.

Catera Investors: You Gotta Know the Territory

I received this self-mailer from Cetera Investors.

It looks like one of the typical acquisition lead generation mailers for an independent financial services firm. The offer is typical: nice dinner, lessons on making the most of one's wealth, presentation about services the firm can provide. There would likely be some selling, maybe soft sell, maybe hard sell -- that depends on the firm. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

Dinner Event in Bellmore, NY

But the dinner was located in Bellmore, NY. From my home in Forest Hills, that's 28 miles as the crow flies and 45 - 100 minutes in weekday afternoon traffic. One cannot reasonably expect a potential customer to travel that far and long for a dinner presentation, which is why I consider this a Fail for Targeting.

My first thought when I read through this was a song from The Music Man, "You Gotta Know the Territory." Maybe the wealth managers were from out of the area? But no, they work in the Westbury office so they should know that New Yorkers hate to shlep and we love location convenience. If they want business from people in Queens, they need to feed people in Queens. We have plenty of great Italian restaurants here that would gladly host an event. 

Mr. Roth, the wealth manager from the mailing, likely worked with a third party to obtain the mailing list and send the mailer. I hope he selects a tighter geographic radius next time so he can preserve his wealth.

Also, of concern: The self-mailer is addressed to "Mr. Marc Davis Jr." I'm not a junior and I don't have a son. Minor Fail for Targeting.

Lessons:

1. Geographic targeting should be tightly aligned to your location and how far people are willing to travel.
2. Name hygiene is important. Don't use name suffixes unless you're sure they are accurate.